Dear Atticus, your school

Dear Atticus,

I had a negative view of daycare. I felt sorry for kids who had to go there rather than staying home with their moms, like I got to do. I don’t know what I thought happened there, but it was a bad old place.

I was, of course, totally wrong. Your school is a bright and cheerful place, and the ladies who work there are lovely. They tell us what is wrong with you when you are sick (pediatricians have nothing on them). They let us know how things need to be done (sometimes we do things wrong, but we are learning). Not only that, but they have made every effort to do things just as we have wanted. They hadn’t had anyone ask about cloth diapers in years, but they figured out how to make it work for us. They tell us repeatedly that they have never seen a baby eat like you do, but they follow our instructions to the letter, and they have said how much they enjoy watching you eat. I wrote out a little manual of information about you, and they occasionally reference it in our conversations.

I know how wrong I was because we have a video feed of your school, and I check it at work. You are your usual happy self throughout the day. You and the other crawlers chase each other around the room, you play with toys, and you take naps (most of the time). I know I was wrong because I see you having fun, eating your lunch, and, occasionally, taking naps. (Also I see you resisting them.)

Fighting a nap

Sometimes I watch you playing and interacting with the other kids on the video feed, and I know it sounds silly, but my heart just fills with how much I love you. I know! That doesn’t really sound like me, does it? It surprised me, too. I think it is because I am able to watch you without feeling quite so needed. When you play here at home, you are always so aware of us. You make sure we see where you are and what you are doing. Getting to observe you without you knowing it is a gift to me, to be able to have some space from you but still to feel involved. It has been good for you to go to school and have friends to play with. And it has been good for me to be at work.

I told your dad that your school is kind of what I imagine heaven will be like, because I am pretty sure they think we are weird (cloth diapers and quinoa cakes) but they love us anyway. There are all kinds of people there, and it is okay that we are different. We are so happy to have found a place for you there.

Love,
Mama

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