While you were sleeping.

People must forget how much the first month of having a baby is a total blur. Surely that is the only reason that I would have been asked questions like, “What is your favorite part?” I had no favorite part, but rather than slugging the person who was asking, I began to claim that my favorite part was when Atticus was sleeping. And, truthfully, that was my favorite part. We co-slept for about a month, and I loved how calm he was lying between us, how much better he seemed to sleep with us than in his crib. I also loved when he would take naps, because then I could do things like eating and showering. Yes, sleeping was definitely my favorite.

During my last week of maternity leave, we had a rough night. It was the kind of night that convinced me that it would never be possible to manage all the juggling that was ahead. I spent a lot of middle-of-the night hours worrying. Instead of getting up to shower, I gave Atticus his morning feeding in our bed, reswaddled him, and lay down next to him. I passed out almost immediately, and though he was awake longer than I was, he managed a good nap as well. When I woke up, he was sleeping peacefully, and I lay there next to him for a long time rather than risk waking him up. Maternity leave was a difficult time for me: the cold, the pain, the insecurities, and the broken sleep. But waking up next to his quiet, trusting face was one of those elusive moments when I could finally understand why people say to cherish these times.

Atticus was a good sleeper from the start, and now he seems to sleep through the night about half the time. Last night he slept until about 4:00. Instead of getting up like I usually do, Mike brought him to me. I fed him and then, on a whim, we decided to keep him in bed with us. When I got up an hour later to start my day, I looked over at my two boys who were sleeping facing each other. And I knew: sleeping is still my favorite part.

4/4 napping on Mama

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