wait in hope.

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I love the week between Christmas and New Year’s, the way everything slows down for us. This year, as we are on Labor Watch 2010 (please come soon, little one), things are even slower than usual. The Christmas snow is still blanketing the ground, though our road is as clear and dry as can be. My inbox is empty, as everyone is just waiting for me to send them news. Mike is nesting, and my own creative pursuits are focused on ways to induce labor (already tried: eggplant parmesan, evening primrose oil, any and all spicy food, walking around the neighborhood, and a bumpy car ride). I have been reading old favorites and taking lots of naps. Long ones.

I have been told that it’s best to end the old year the way you’d like the new year to start. I have no idea what the end of this week might look like, but our house is clean, our freezer is full of food, and I have been taking it easy. Seeing as how everything is about to change, as I am full-to-the-brim with baby, this is about all I think I can do.

It doesn’t feel like it is quite enough. Shouldn’t I be making the most of these last few days? Scheduling time with my friends, taking down the tree, running important errands? Maybe, but I am just so tired and in a fair amount of pain. It is difficult to feel as if what I am doing is not enough, to be able to determine whether it’s a reasonable expectation that I should be more active or whether it’s exactly the time when I should be taking two-hour naps. This is a day and age focused on multitasking and achievement. I am someone who needs quiet time to recharge as it is, which is one reason I hesitated when it came to expanding our family. There really are moms who appear to be able to do it all, and I know that I cannot be that person. Something has to give. This week, I am trying to let go of the expectation that this week has to look like anything at all.

I hate to let these precious last few days slip away, but I am trying to see it as the best kind of work I can do right now, waiting and watching and resting. I hope the last week of your year is packed with whatever fills you with joy: time with friends and family, snowball fights, good food, and even lots of naps. Meanwhile, I will be waiting and hoping. Thanks for waiting with us.

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