To whom it may concern, early summer edition.

Dear Man at the Pool Whose Skin is About to Turn Purple,

It’s called sunscreen. Please look into it. Your skin is frightening me. Also maybe you should stop drinking beer and put on a shirt. I have nothing against beer. I just think you should not get any more sun. Your “friend” sitting next to you cannot possibly be an actual friend because there is no way that a friend would not force you into the shade. So what I am saying is that you might need to reevaluate your entire life.

I don’t even know you, but I am deeply concerned,

Dear Man With the Tattooed Arms at the Patty Griffin/Buddy Miller Concert,

Your arm is covered in a tattoo of a skull. Shooting lasers out of its eyes. At a pair of dice. Over the word “Blessed.” What. Does. This. Mean. And may I just say, it is simply . . . stunning. I, for one, cannot stop looking at it.

You, apparently, cannot stop talking through EVERY SINGLE SONG. And I just love how the more wine you drink, the more you make out with your lady friend. So thanks for being here to ruin this beautiful evening.

At least you and your lady friend left during a couple of my favorites,

P.S. No, I don’t really want to know what you were doing while you were gone.

Dear People at the Pool Who Make Up Fake Names for the Snack Bar to Call Out,

While it is totally and completely juvenile of you to make the snack bar man say things like, “Big Bird, your order is ready,” I think it is funny every single time. Also, I am excited to know that Willie Nelson goes to our pool. I haven’t seen him yet, but maybe I was still looking for his longer hair. I got new sunglasses in case Edward Cullen shows up this year. My eyes couldn’t take all the dazzling when he went off the high dive.

I can’t wait to tell Matt Damon how funny he was on the finale of 30 Rock,

Dear Grilled Pizza,

You are a lot of work and maybe not the most efficient way to make pizza. But you are also fun and delicious. So we’ll maybe see you this same time next year. Once a year is probably all we can manage.

I am always afraid Mike is going to say we need another grill, or a bigger one, just to make grilling pizza easier,

IMG_6740 Dear Adriene, Andrea, Brandi, Dawn, and Susan,

When a girl wins the Media Specialist of the Year award for her county’s school system, it is a pretty awesome thing. But it is made even more awesome when her wonderful friends decide to send her the greatest flower arrangement of all time.

Feeling sorry for everyone whose friends aren’t as great as mine,

P.S. The glass is surprisingly heavy. It’s like my own personal trophy. I can’t wait to proudly display it next to Mike’s Best of Show trophy.

Dear World At Large,

If you are wanting to feel appreciated, I have some advice for you: Win an award. Family, friends, coworkers, former coworkers, church members, colleagues, friends of friends, and people I don’t even really know have showered me with kindness, chips and dip, and flowers. No, seriously: look at some more of my flowers.


Overwhelmed and humbled,

1 Trackbacks

  1. […] To whom it may concern, early summer edition. – Through a Glass, Darkly So proud of Kari. (tags: gfmorris_comment) […]