A truly horrifying story.

This morning, as I was sitting at my desk, drinking my coffee and working on some important library things, I began hearing . . . a noise. A noise coming from the trashcan. I tried to ignore it. I thought, “Surely there is nothing in the trashcan. La la la la la. Nothing in the trashcan.”

And then I looked down at the trashcan and I saw something move. I went out into the library and proceeded to freak out in front of my assistant, a parent, and a student. (I later offered the student a bribe so that he would never tell anyone what he had seen.)

My assistant, who is nicest person at my school and awesome in every way, took charge. She put a board over the top of my trashcan and went to the office to get someone to page the janitor. Then she came back and talked me down. When the janitor came in the library, I went out. Because I DID NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT CAME OUT OF THE TRASHCAN. I went to the front office, where they made fun of me and also commiserated with me about the freakishness of it all. The janitor proceeded to take care of the situation. I saw him in the hall and he said that everything was taken care of. And then he walked away in his cowboy boots. It was like a scene in a movie. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly right there in my school.

So, do you want to know what was in my trashcan? A SPIDER. A GIANT SPIDER GIANT ENOUGH TO MAKE RUSTLING NOISES IN A TRASHCAN. In a lot of ways, that seems worse than a mouse. At least mice are supposed to rustle. SPIDERS SHOULD NOT BE LARGE ENOUGH TO RUSTLE PAPERS. My assistant and the janitor made shapes that indicated that the spider was as large as my hand. And also they told me that other spiders have been sighted in the school. Giant spiders. Taking over my school. You can imagine how happy this makes me. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s because giant spiders ate my face.

Hey, um, if you are kind of terrified of spiders, I would definitely not click on this link. Because it is almost as horrifying as my story. You’re welcome.

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