End-of-summer blues.

My cold (for which I finally went to the doctor today, and, hooray, it’s a sinus infection!) (um, sorry people I have been around – I really thought I was getting better), Mike’s cold, the last few things that didn’t get done in our house because of the cold, the fact that I haven’t been able to run because of the cold, and the expected end-of-summer blues have really got me down the past week or so.

I struggle with contentment at the best of times. I think I make trouble for myself sometimes, finding things to be upset about. I lived for a long time in a state of righteous indignation, and it’s hard not to revert to that. Especially in situations where righteous indignation is appropriate, or at least would be understood. I have been in some situations lately where righteous indignation was called for, and I certainly talked Mike’s ear off about my feelings, but I managed not to run it past as many people as I normally do. I managed to shake it off a little better than normal. I don’t know if I was too sick/blue to deal with it or if I have turned a bit of a corner in that area. I hope it was the latter. I know that there were some things I chose not to talk about, that I chose to let go. And it felt good. It’s not a decision I am very familiar with, to be honest.

Tomorrow it is back to the routine, back to school. I have been there for the past few days, getting things together. I have been dreading it. I am nervous about starting the school year (something I have never done before) and taking two classes. Being off has made me long to be independently wealthy so that I could stay home all the time, running and cooking and traveling and writing and keeping the house clean (well, if I was independently wealthy, perhaps I could hire someone else to clean the house for me. If we’re going to dream, we might as well dream big), just like I did this summer. But being back at school has been good, too. I missed my school friends, and there are already plans to go out together, to see movies, to do lunch. I have some new projects this year at school that are both exciting and intimidating. I don’t want to go back, not really. But I also know I wasn’t made to lounge around all the time, and I (hope I) am up for the new challenges I will face this year.

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