Kari the roach warrior.

KARI: Did I tell you about the giant roach?

MIKE: A giant roach that’s here right now?

KARI: No. I was at my friend’s house and I went to the bathroom and closed the door. And then, as I was sitting on the toilet, I saw that ON THE WALL BEHIND THE DOOR THERE WAS A GIANT ROACH. And everyone was outside, so I couldn’t just leave it. I had to be very brave. So I took off my shoe and hit it with my shoe.

MIKE: Good job. You were very brave.

KARI: Except I missed.


KARI: So then it scurried down the wall and across the floor, and I quickly put my shoe on and stomped it.

MIKE: Good –

KARI: Before you say, “Good job,” you should know that I missed again.


KARI: Well, I kind of grazed it. It was injured.

MIKE: Well, that’s something, I guess.

KARI: So then it was cowering in the corner and I stood there for at least a minute and a half making sure it wasn’t going to move. And then I went and got help. By which I mean, I stucked my head out the door of the house and yelled, “HELP! THERE’S A BUG!” And people laughed at me.

MIKE: “Help, there’s a bug?” Really?

KARI: Yes. And we came back and found it and my friend sprayed it with cleaner and we killed it.

MIKE: “We?”

KARI: *shamefully* She.

MIKE: So you tried to hit it twice, missed, and yelled for help. Very brave. Are you sure it was the same roach?

KARI: Yes. How many roaches do you think my friend has?

MIKE: I don’t know. Where there’s one aren’t there others?

KARI: Well, older houses in the South have roaches. Also apartments in New York City. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done to get rid of them all. I’ve never seen roaches here, though.

MIKE: We just have a ladybug infestation. And slugs in the front yard. I did see a roach once.


MIKE: Very brave. No, in the yard. It was dead.

KARI: Did you say to all the other roaches, “This is what happens if you come to our house, suckas!”

MIKE: I put his head on a pole as a warning to all the others.

KARI: This is what happens if you come to our house, suckas!

MIKE: Well, if Kari’s home alone, you might just get grazed. Until someone comes to help.

KARI: *hits Mike with shoe*

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