Hey, Susan, remember that time I called and asked you about foreskins?

After last year’s Male Bakeoff, Mike figured out that the real glory lay in giving your creation a title. He came up with a name for his entry almost a year ago, so he’s been planning the best way to put it all together for quite some time. Whenever anyone from church asked what he was going to do, he’d get a silly grin and say that he couldn’t tell them. Now that the contest is over, though, I can reveal his plans: He decided to make a chocolate cheesecake and to put some whipped peanut butter topping on it and then chocolate shavings on top of that, and use the verse Joshua 5:3 “So Joshua made stone knives and circumcised the People of Israel at Foreskins Hill.” Yes, that’s right, Mike made a Foreskins Hill cheesecake.

The only problem was that, well, we don’t have sons, so we weren’t exactly sure what a circumcized foreskin would look like. Mike tried Googling it, but that did not go so well. We thought about calling someone to ask, but who would we call? We didn’t want to call my parents or his sister, because who wants to talk about foreskins with a relative? My closest friends have girls, not boys. We do have friends who have two boys, but we don’t talk to them regularly, so we couldn’t exactly call them out of the blue and say, “When your sons were circumcized, what did the foreskin look like?” You can see the problem there. Ultimately, I did the only thing I could do: I called Susan, who can now claim that I have actually run her out of the state by calling her on a Saturday morning and asking her what a circumcized foreskin looks like, and whether it would be better to use shavings or chocolate chips to represent it. She said that shavings would be our best bet. She was very helpful. I’m just passing that on to the rest of you in case you find yourselves in that same position.

Yesterday afternoon, I hung out with Susan and Andrea and Susan’s friends Brenna and Ari. We watched chick flicks and did crafty things like scrapbooking and knitting. While I was gone, Mike made his cheesecake. He also made a side cheesecake so we could taste it, which was good for me because it meant I could bow out of actually eating the one with the “foreskins” on it. I love Mike, but, EW. I thought it was really good, especially with the peanut butter topping. This morning he got up and did the shavings, and then it was off to church.

Foreskins Hill Cheesecake

Ready to defeat the competition

In Sunday School, we talked about the Male Bakeoff, and Mike’s entry was discussed with horrified/disgusted looks. Just as we expected. When we got into the sanctuary, one of our friends who is known for always entering something disgusting actually came up to Mike and said, “You are a sick man.” From him, that is high praise indeed.

After the service, we all went downstairs into the fellowship hall, where I got to see some of the other entries. After lunch and dessert, we finally got to the awards. We knew that Mike had a chance at three: the Weirdness Cup, Most Biblical, or Muy Macho. When our friend Seth got Muy Macho for his “Death of Herod” cake, I felt sure that he would win something. And, indeed, Mike did win Most Biblical.

Seth, Daniel, Mike

Here are Seth (Muy Macho), Daniel (Best in Show), and Mike (Most Biblical) with their tropies.

Even better than the trophy, Mike’s dessert was completely eaten. We weren’t sure if anyone would eat something like Foreskins Hill Cheesecake. I’m not sure what it says about our church that no one seemed to care.

The victor!

Once again, this was a great event, and it was so fun to see everyone from the little boys up to the older men contributing and getting awards. Some of the guys who are a little older than us do get really competitive, so there was a lot of shaking trophies at one another that went on. It’s fun to see men competing over baking, and it’s fun to see some of the guys who are obviously very skilled try to duke it out for the top spots each year. Now Mike just has to think of something to top this year’s entry.

And, as Mike said on the way home, “I’ve never heard people say ‘foreskins’ as many times in my whole life as they did today.”

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