When did my heart get so petrified?

All right, so, I’m reading A Severe Mercy, which came highly recommended, and I’m about halfway through. And I have to admit that, until last night/this morning, I wasn’t really digging it (but I was going to finish it, because it came so highly recommended. And I am stubborn). I read Mike some bits, and he had the same reaction I did, and I realized that what bugged me was that it was so earnest. They were so sure that their love could last and that they could do these things to protect it, and my cynical heart just couldn’t take it.

In our house, Mike’s the one who falls for those romantic kind of stories, and I’m the one sitting back explaining why it can’t happen that way, or why it won’t last. I don’t deny that I can and do get caught up in stories, but I guess it has to be the right kind of story. I did it to my friends Emily and Melissa last week: We watched 13 Going on 30 and while they were rooting wholeheartedly for Jennifer Garner (which, I don’t watch Alias, so that might have helped), I kept saying, “What about the fiancee?” I was (without giving too much away, I hope), in the end, satisfied with how it all turned out, but I feel like you can’t ignore the way things really are (in the world of the story) just because you want two people to get together. And even though A Severe Mercy is true, I feel like saying to these people, “You can’t just assume you will always be able to resolve these things, or that life is going to be that easy. Love isn’t always enough.”

Meanwhile, though, it seems like they have come to some of those same conclusions themselves (or found away around it), and I have been enjoying where the story is going, especially now that C.S. Lewis has entered the picture. I wonder, though, why it is that I am so uncomfortable with the genuine feelings that these (very nice, I am sure) people are expressing. Why does such straightforward emotion make me squirm? Why do I always make a joke or a sarcastic remark instead of being able to express my strong emotions with my friends? Why do I work so hard to avoid being earnest myself?

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  1. I hope I can remain Tyrant after this.

    I’ll admit: I’ve never known the citation of “scattered as the woman whose body / was torn for the twelve tribes” from Caedmon’s Call’s “Petrified Heart”, found on 40 Acres.
    Okay, so I guess I could hav…

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