Forgive us our trespasses

On Sunday as we said the Lord’s Prayer at church, I struggled a bit when we said, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” On the way to church I was telling Mike about an area in which I am struggling to forgive and in which I am afraid bitterness is starting to creep in. I thought that it had gotten better, that I was past all this, but I’m not. It blew up in my face, and I’m upset, and I have been thinking about it a lot. First I got so upset that I couldn’t eat (very rare for me), then I got so upset I was eating all the time. My pants would like for this part of the cycle to be over. hehe.

If you scroll through the archives, you can see that forgiveness is a topic I struggle with a lot. I do tend to hold grudges (some might say it’s my “thing”) and I think I’ve gotten better, but I think my friends would agree that I still tend to overreact a bit when I’m hurt. Right now I feel really misunderstood and discouraged and just plain mad. It has helped the past few days to pray the Lord’s Prayer every time I think about this situation. When I get to that line, my heart says, “Hear that, God? That means I need you to help me forgive, because I am not doing such a good job, but I know it’s pretty important.”

I used to think I would get to a certain age and have all this stuff figured out. I thought it would get easier. While I don’t think it’s easier, and I have given up all hopes of having things all figured out, I do feel hopeful that I am becoming the kind of person who finds it easier to forgive. I see glimpses of that more often than I used to.

“In the evening of life we shall be judged on love, and not one of us is going to come off very well, and were it not for my absolute faith in the loving forgiveness of my Lord I could not call on him to come.” -Madeleine L’Engle

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