Walkin’ in my red shoes and I get so worn out

It’s the age-old question: function or fashion?

Yesterday, I chose fashion. And my feet are not pleased with me. I try to dress slightly more professionally when my book group meets, and yesterday that meant my suit and heels. I bought these heels (they aren’t red, by the way . . . I just wanted to use that lyric for the title) specifically to go with the suit, and I made a mistake, because they are a little big. When I have worn them before, I suffered through them slipping off my feet all day and almost falling down the stairs and dying. Yesterday, my genius plan was to stuff the toes with tissue. One word: OW. Another two words: HUGE. MISTAKE. I’m not sure if I just put too much tissue in there or what, but my feet were dying by the end of the day, my toes were all crunched up, and it was painful to put any weight on them at all.

So. Today, in an effort to get my feet to forgive me, I’m wearing these shoes, because Birkenstocks are pretty much as kind as it is possible to be to your feet (and I can’t wear open-toed shoes to work).

I wonder sometimes why I do that – why I wear uncomfortable shoes just to pull off a certain style or outfit. Several people told me how nice I looked yesterday, and while that was very nice of them to say, it doesn’t change the fact that I killed my feet to look a certain way. I do this in other ways, too – always fixing my hair and doing my makeup and wearing “outfits” and just not being a casual person. I want people to think I look pulled-together and competent, because maybe that way they won’t realize how nervous and incompetent I feel inside. Not just about the book discussion, but about life. I told Mike yesterday that I often feel as if there are rules that everyone else knows and that I am out there making a fool of myself, floundering around. And so, I wear the high heels and the pantyhose, hoping that my appearance will make up for at least some of those other failures.

(I’ll take this as another opportunity to plug Glittering Images, because . . . yeah. Pretty much what the whole book was about.)

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