Atticus and I have been walking the streets of our neighborhood, counting political signs and dogs and (of course) trucks. He cranes his head to look for airplanes from the comfort of his stroller. We talk about his day. We watch the leaves fall.
Mike made a playlist that features songs we think Atticus can easily grab onto. “Help” and “Yellow Submarine” by The Beatles, “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit. But lately he has listened to quite a bit of Mumford & Sons. His favorite is “I Will Wait,” and his little voice echoes the chorus, “I will wait, I will wait for you.” The best response is when “Hopeless Wanderer” plays. His whole body moves to the music when the banjos kick in.
So when your hope’s on fire
But you know your desire
Don’t hold a glass over the flame
Don’t let your heart grow cold
I will call you by name
I will share your road
But hold me fast, hold me fast
‘Cause I’m a hopeless wanderer
Hold me fast, hold me fast
I’m a hopeless wanderer
I see in Atticus a certain restlessness that I recognize. From the outside, it may not look it – married 12 years, been at the same church 9 years, worked as a librarian for the same amount of time – but I have a restless heart. Is this part of what it means to live in this world? Or is it part of the already/not yet that is being a follower of Jesus?
I sing to him that I am a hopeless wanderer, and I am afraid of teaching him to be the same. But maybe he already knows it without learning it from me.
And I will learn, I will learn
To love the skies I’m under
Is it so bad to open your heart to new experiences, to see the world as a gift to be opened? Can I teach him restlessness without faithlessness? We walk and sing together, and I think about what it means to wander.