Sweet barking revenge.

Mike and I usually hit the Boxing Day sales in order to pick up some things like Christmas sweaters. This year, JC Penney hooked us up with some new towels (fare thee well, old ugly inherited towels!) and I got some boots, and my favorite khaki pants were only $15! We didn’t really get any Christmas sweaters, and Mike, sadly, didn’t really get anything at all. Sorry, Mike. You can use one of our new towels if it will make you feel better.

But the best part of the entire day was when we saw our neighbors from our old house out and about at the mall. They said, and I quote, “Our new neighbors suck. Their dogs bark all the time.” Now, I gave the archives a quick scan, and I don’t know if I have ever talked about our old neighbors and their dogs. They had little yappy dogs, and their dogs freaked out on the following occasions: If I was getting in my car, if I was getting out of my car, if I was in my yard, if I was getting the paper, if I went for a run, if I was checking the mail, if I was mowing the lawn, if I was reading on the front porch, if I was reading on the back porch, if I was looking out my window. You will notice that all of these events took place on my own property (except for the run, which would be on public property, i.e. the road). I hated those dogs. Even Mike, who likes little yappy dogs, wanted to kick those dogs.

So, really, what I am saying is that Mike and I deserve a medal of honor. Because when they were complaining about the new neighbors’ dogs, all we said was, “That’s too bad.” But when we walked away, Mike (MIKE! Even-tempered, sweet-natured Mike!) said he was very close to saying, “Really? We used to have neighbors like that. It was really annoying.”

(I think he should have said it. They wouldn’t have gotten it anyway, and I like stirring the pot.)

(Good job, people who bought our house. I salute you. And your barking dogs.)

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  1. that deserves a fist bump. haha.

    Posted 12/30/2008 at | Permalink
  2. yes, I remember you posting about this.
    I know this, because I was tempted to post that poem by billy collins, and then remembered that I had posted that before. it’s still a good poem. makes me laugh.

    Another reason why I don’t keep a gun in the house

    The neighbors’ dog will not stop barking.
    He is barking the same high, rhythmic bark
    that he barks every time they leave the house.
    They must switch him on on their way out.

    The neighbors’ dog will not stop barking.
    I close all the windows in the house
    and put on a Beethoven symphony full blast
    but I can still hear him muffled under the music,
    barking, barking, barking,

    and now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,
    his head raised confidently as if Beethoven
    had included a part for barking dog.

    When the record finally ends he is still barking,
    sitting there in the oboe section barking,
    his eyes fixed on the conductor who is
    entreating him with his baton

    while the other musicians listen in respectful
    silence to the famous barking dog solo,
    that endless coda that first established
    Beethoven as an innovative genius.

    –Billy Collins

    Posted 12/30/2008 at | Permalink
  3. Even-tempered, sweet-natured people can be passive aggressive, too. :inno:

    Posted 12/30/2008 at | Permalink
  4. This reminds me of RENT:

    “Dah-ling, be a dear, haven’t slept in a year,
    I need your help to make my neighbor’s yappy dog disappear!”


    Posted 12/30/2008 at | Permalink
  5. Kari

    Yay, I love Billy Collins!

    Scott: Mike and I might have fist-bumped in the mall after we walked away from them.

    Posted 12/30/2008 at | Permalink
  6. Melissa

    omg, so funny. i can’t believe THEY were complaining. that’s awesome – good job Kari, Self-Control and Mike Gentleness.

    Posted 1/1/2009 at | Permalink

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