Same thing as the other time, but now it’s your rights versus mine.

I would not say that I am the most positive person in the world. If you know me, I am going to bet that you would agree. I tend to take a more negative view of things. (Some might call it negative, but I like to call it “realistic” or “practical.” That’s my positive spin. Look how positive I am.) I try to be a pretty upbeat person, though, during the day and with people I am not as close to. Sometimes this means that I take out too much negativity on Mike when I come home. I apologized to my mom today for that very thing . . . I don’t mean to take out my frustrations on those I love. I just have to have someone to talk to, to get my thoughts out, to feel understood. I am still learning about balance. I am also still learning to watch my tongue.

I am such a people pleaser that it’s hard for me to be around negativity. I know, how does that make any sense? I am not a positive person, but constant negativity in others makes me feel like I am drowning, like I have no escape. I want to find a solution, to prove that things aren’t as bad as the other person says. My insides cower in fear of being lashed at or mocked. I never feel on a sure footing. There are some people in my life who have made me feel that way for a long time, people who have consistently brought out the worst responses in me.

That’s how I have felt lately, for a myriad of reasons. Not wise enough to know which battles to fight, and too afraid, anyway, to speak my mind. I suppose there is always tomorrow to try to figure it out.

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3 Comments

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about.

    I tend to be a “realistic” (read: negative) person around people I love and a positive person around people I don’t know. And I can’t stand being around constant negativity for long, so I just avoid it.

    Unfortunately, that does tend to weigh down the people I’m closest to. So mostly, I just shut up a lot these days.

    Posted 2/21/2008 at | Permalink
  2. I’m not sure that I’m as much a people pleaser, but I do tend to be more negative with the people that are closer to me. I found it funny the other day when one of the foofy ranking things on Facebook said I was a really positive person. I’m like, “Boy, they don’t know my music collection at all, do they?!”

    Posted 2/21/2008 at | Permalink
  3. Although I am a realistic person that doesn’t seem negative to me. It seems honest. And although I want to make others happy, being forthright and truthful seems a better investment, especially in the long run. That is not to say that you cannot do both, of course. I guess what my two cents would be, and it is only what works for me, is that thoughts well spoken from my mind to someone I love are always better than thoughts unspoken that build up.

    Posted 2/21/2008 at | Permalink

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