After months and months of thinking about it, the invitation to my tenth high school reunion came on Friday. Mike taunted me by telling me that interesting things came in the mail that day, and, to his credit, I did have interesting things. But one fewer than he had declared, because the last interesting thing was simply an invitation to my high school reunion. Ten years, which is hard to believe. I looked at it and, after months of vacillating, quickly decided that I didn’t want to pay to spend money with people I wasn’t friends with the first time around. I spent a long time being bitter about that, but now I see that it’s okay that we weren’t friends. We shouldn’t have to pretend friendship just because we lived in the same town, went to the same high school. It reminds me of when I figured out that I didn’t have to be friends with someone just because he or she is a Christian. That doesn’t actually mean we have things in common, things on which to build a relationship. I didn’t get to know the things inside their hearts that make them who they are any more than they found out mine. Not to mention that I’m not the same person I was back then. I hope they aren’t, either.
The invitation was full of the sentiment and nostalgia you’d expect, and I’m sure the committee worked hard on it. But I think you have to be a different sort of person to look forward to your high school reunion. You have to be the sort of person who looks back at high school with some affection, who was positively affected by what went on there. And while I don’t claim to have hated every day of high school, I feel instinctively that the people who would attend our reunion probably aren’t the people I hung out with in the library during break. I worry about the things I would say to the people there, the grasping, needy parts of me that would come out in that situation.
There’s a part of me that would like to go and be successful and have a smart, good-looking husband, but those aren’t parts of myself that I like to encourage. If I’m going to go to a reunion in order to prove something, I’m going for the wrong reasons. Why should I feel the need to prove anything at all?
I have thought about this for a lot of years. The end of high school was much better than the rest of it, but the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. I wondered if I needed to go, to wear a fantastic dress, to have some kind of redemption. I think, though, in the end, not needing to go is the redemption I wanted after all.
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12 Comments
I think you’re right, and as someone who did have a great time in HS, I will probably go to mine. [That is, if we have one. I'm not sure that we can find enough parts to make up our collective mind. 1996 had their reunion in October for much the same reason.] But if it’s not going to be a positive thing for you, don’t go.
I didn’t even get an invitation to mine. They did it through classmates.com…and who checks that?
I wouldn’t have gone anyway, I know how to get in touch with the people who were my friends in high school.
I didn’t go to my reunion either, they scheduled it on the day of the UGA-Tech football game (whaaaa? half of our high school went to either UGA or Tech), but the people who did go told me you would be surprised how little some people have changed in ten years. Go out that night with your husband or some of your close friends, you will probably have a better time.
Yeah, my tenth is supposed to be this year… I haven’t head anything about it, and even if I did get an invite, I probably wouldn’t go. I dunno – I had many more fond memories of college than I did high school (mostly because in college, it seemed most people were over that urge to try to be as “cool” as possible and were more comfortable with themselves, I guess).
But yeah, I don’t think mine will be worth the travel and money involved to go. I’ll have a much better time at home with Jeff, I think.
Yeah, I’m not planning on going to mine this year, either. I haven’t received an invite for it, so I’m not even entirely sure that there’s one in the works. I wasn’t MISERABLE in high school (that’s what middle school is for. Haha!), but at the same time, I don’t look back on it with a lot of nostalgia. I had a much better time in college (mostly because I guess I felt like I could be more “myself” then, and not have to deal with people who always felt the need to be “cool,” etc. Most people seemed to be over it by then).
So yeah – save your money and do something fun with Mike or other friends that night.
kari, i skipped out on my reunion as well. just didnt work out logistically. but if i examine the reasons that i wanted to go, they are mostly to try and show off my wife, degree, big muscles, superior intellect, and all that. not really about connecting with people that i miss. so yeah, i guess i shouldnt feel bad about not going…not that i really do, but yeah…
Aaron just got back from his high school reunion last week. He went into it with a bit of dread (if he hadn’t already been in town for work I don’t think he would have gone), but he had a blast and was completely shocked by it. These things are so tricky… I always look forward to seeing friends from high school, and I always end up disappointed.
I read this entry while listening to “Chinese Translation” by M. Ward, courtesy of Mike’s Facebook…and I think it was the perfect background music.
And while I was writing this just now, “Earth Intruders” by Bjork came on and…wow is THAT the wrong music to read your blog to. I mean…WOW.
it all comes back to bjork!
i did not get an invitation to my reunion either. I would not have gone…in case you were wondering.
I almost didn’t go to mine.. but then I changed my mind and went. I had a good time. I got to see some friends.. and there were the akward conversation moments.. but thats to be expected with people you haven’t seen in years. I think you have a tendency to over think situations like this. I say go.
I almost didn’t go to mine.. but then I changed my mind and went. I had a good time. I got to see some friends.. and there were the akward conversation moments.. but thats to be expected with people you haven’t seen in years. I think you have a tendency to over think situations. I say screw it.. and go.
well, i did get an invitation to mine, and i did enjoy high school. but i totally struggled with all of the thoughts that you had…wondering what fabulous dress to wear, and what everyone else would be wearing, being excited to show off my hubby and pictures of my daughter, being worried about how i was pregnant and would i look fat, and the list of insecurities goes on. then, i came to my senses and realized that i didn’t want to revert the the place where i was dependent on “their” acceptance to determine my worth. but how could i go, and not have all of that go on at the same time? in the end, i couldn’t go because of other more major family events. but it is so silly all the junk that something as trivial as a high school reunion can bring up in us. i love the “redemption” that you have found, and i know that it is more beautiful on you than anything you could wear.