Comments on: And I can’t figure out why you want me around

By: Sacred Lobotomy » Loneliness, self-worth, & a side of fries

Sacred Lobotomy » Loneliness, self-worth, & a side of fries — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 20:54:31 +0000

[...] This entry was inspired by (and consequently borrows heavily from) Kari’s latest post. I can approach neither the depth of her wisdom nor the clarity of her writing. [...]

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 02:35:14 +0000

Wow. Ya know, the more I talk to people, the more I realize how many feel lonely. The image that everyone else has friends really isn’t a true picture of reality. I think that is why the close family groups of yesteryear were so healthy because there was an instant friendship group there.
From what I have seen, this usually comes from some type of being abandoned as a kid… either from a parent, or just somehow from a friend or group. It’s that abandonment that needs to be prayed through. It carries over into feelings of non-worth before God, other people and ourselves.
But before you can ‘fix’ the feeling with other people, you have to start with yourself and God.. you have to know without a shadow of a doubt how God feels about you.. do a word study on that.And as that soaks into your head and heart.. then you will feel important inside.. which will then help you sort through the feelings with other people.
I have a self esteem study I have started.. you sure are welcome to read/work through it. I’m not done with it.. so this kicks me into gear to get it finished!

http://www.tbtil.blogspot.com/

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 02:33:59 +0000

http://www.tbtil.blogspot.com/

By: Michaela

Michaela — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 01:50:27 +0000

Kari (and Kathleen), I feel that way too. I know that one thing we have in common, Kari, is that we’ve almost always felt like we care more about our friends than they care about us…that we are someone expendable, in our friendship groups. I am not someone that is called very often by friends. And that kinda hurts. So while I do try and call people, and get together, I hate that even since ELEMENTARY school, I’ve felt like I’ve done all the initiation. And I can’t really do that all the time. So I don’t do it much anymore because, as you say, I feel like a bother. There are probably only two girls – Chrissy, and my flatmate Ruth – besides my mother that I feel like I can call at anytime and vent about anything, and I won’t feel like I’m bothering them.

Oddly enough, Tim is more of a shy guy (though he’s friendly, so you wouldn’t know he struggles when meeting new people) and I’m more outgoing and sociable, and yet he has a much larger group of close friends. And he makes friends so much more easily than I do. And while I love that about him, I’m also maybe a little jealous. And I don’t want to become one of those couples who only has “couple” friends, you know?

Which is all to say, that I do understand, if only a little. And I really do care about you, Kari, and wish so much that I could live near you and be a constant friend. (Which is something I should have said a while ago, I suppose.)

By: Geof F. Morris

Geof F. Morris — Sat, 25 Sep 2004 04:42:22 +0000

Kari, that’s why I couched that the way I did … you know yourself better’n I do.

By: _steve

_steve — Sat, 25 Sep 2004 02:23:35 +0000

Ditto what Kathleen said.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Sat, 25 Sep 2004 01:12:04 +0000

Kari… I feel the exact same way as you do. And I also think it stems from not feeling good enough. I constantly feel like I do a bad job at being a housewife, a friend, and a Christian.

It’s such a bad feeling… and you just feel more and more lonely. Tonight I am at home alone, and will be going to bed alone (Josh is out with friends). As much as I hate to be alone, sometimes I crave being alone, just because it means I won’t be bothering anyone.

By: Kari

Kari — Fri, 24 Sep 2004 20:37:11 +0000

I’ve been thinking all afternoon . . . I don’t think this has to do with wanting to be self-reliant. Because I love to talk to my friends and I am a very verbal processor. So I really need people. I think it really has to do with not feeling good enough.

By: scott

scott — Fri, 24 Sep 2004 20:01:30 +0000

hehe, i thought i was the only one like that.

and yeah, that humor was lame-o.

By: alisa

alisa — Fri, 24 Sep 2004 17:24:20 +0000

Nice Sara Groves song/quote. Took me a second to figure out where the line was from cause I knew just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Of all place, on Joey last night he said making friends in LA is much harder than it was in NY because he’s not a kid anymore. When we become adults does our ‘making friends’ abilities go out the window or something?