saving my life.

Oh, hey, I had a piece at Art House America’s blog yesterday about canning tomatoes with my grandma and you should go read it.

Did you see this post on Buzzfeed about being stuck between Generations X and Y? Most of those accurately describe me. Gen X are basically the cooler older brothers and sisters I never had, and millennials are those annoying younger siblings. Those of us born in between are the middle children, anxious to bridge gaps, complaining about feeling left out.

Since I am not a millennial, I have watched the recent discussion of millennials and the church started on CNN by Rachel Held Evans with a certain amount of detachment. There’s a roundup of some of the responses here.

I constantly have conversations with Mike about church, about what we are teaching Atticus and if we are even close to getting things right for him. When we have considered becoming a family who stays in pajamas on Sunday mornings, there is always something that brings me back, a strand of faith that I can almost physically feel in my heart. Something that won’t quite let go.

A lot of the writing I have done here has been about recovering from the particular charismatic fundamental evangelical church experiences I had, especially as a teenager. Off the top of my head, I can think of many many painful experiences in my life that had to do with church culture and the ways I felt I didn’t measure up (or was specifically told I didn’t measure up). I know what it is to be hurt and manipulated by people who claim to be doing God’s work. Although we are no longer evangelical, Mike and I never left the church. This is not because the church universal is perfect (far from it) or our local church is perfect (pull up a chair and I will be happy to list some of my complaints) or because we are perfect (HAHAHAHAHA). It’s simply that we chose to stay. We’re not braver or stronger or better than anyone else, but we want this story to be the one that shapes our lives. We like hanging around people who feel the same way.

It’s the opposite of all those trend pieces, I guess, but I love the church in all its messy goofy painful glory. It hurts me and it helps me and it saves my life. What’s saving your life this week?

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(Some of these thoughts were inspired by an outing to one of the greatest movies OF ALL TIME. We had so much fun that we had to keep talking for two more hours after the movie was over. Of course no one was put in any corners.)

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