Continually waiting.

Life is a constant Advent season: we are continually waiting to become, to discover, to complete, to fulfill. Hope, struggle, fear, expectation and fulfillment are all part of our Advent experience. -Life Is An Advent Season, Connections, 11-28-1993

Our sitting spot on Thursday Night

This was a week that could be called, at best, a bust. We are just not equipped in North Carolina to deal with winter weather in a speedy way, so we had more snow than school this week. It felt as if life came to a screeching halt.

I don’t feel that the week was wasted, exactly. We had good times with our neighbors and I cleaned out an entire pile of magazines and we organized and baked and ate and read and those are glorious things. I am thankful for the unexpected gift of rest and time. But the lack of a routine makes things feel somewhat flat. I noticed that last summer, when we didn’t have a great to-do list like we had the summer before. Going to the pool every day was wonderful and was exactly the rest that my soul needed, but I didn’t necessarily feel that my life was as filled in as it should be. If there was a picture of my summer, the colors would be dull. This week felt like that.

Life has felt like that lately, anyway, with the already/not yet reality of the construction. Yes, we are in our new bathroom space, but there are a lot of details still being ironed out in the rest of the house. There have been so many wonderful new changes, but we are waiting, waiting, waiting for it all to be over. To take our lives and our house back. To actually clean and finish unpacking and organizing.

Waiting and watching are part of life’s work that I do not practice very faithfully or very well. I rush through things. I ache for completion, for a finished product. And for what? The already/not yet reality of life is that there is always more to read, another meal to make, another floor to sweep. There is always more to learn, another place to grow. Relationships to work on, hurts that need mending, joy that needs time to expand. There are times when life seems full of possibility, times when we should be preparing ourselves for the next thing. And then there are times to wait. I have been so busy that I hardly even know what that means.

Perhaps there are better ways to fight listlessness, but I tend to think it is best fought by focusing on the small meaningful details of life. This week I have baked bread and shared muffins and laughed over meals. I would prefer to be working towards some great goal. But I think right now my work is simply to wait.

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