A chasing after the wind.

I can tell that I am feeling more on top of things, because my binder is totally organized. I even punched holes in the handouts I printed off before I went to class tonight. I turned in my paper that was due today a day early. My papers are graded. My lessons are (relatively) planned. Those first few weeks of school were madness, but (knock wood) things this week have settled down. We had a fantastic meal with my family on Tuesday night (more on that when the pictures make it online), I had a nice weekend in Nashville, and Mike’s birthday is coming up. It seems like things are on the upswing.

Last week I finally put words to the fact that I have been feeling so empty lately. Disconnected from my friends and my family and even kind of from God. Over the weekend, Alisa and Brandi and I talked about how things don’t make sense, how things don’t work in a system. I think God can use the things that don’t make sense to teach us more about him, but that doesn’t mean it’s ever really going to add up in some verifiable way, at least not while we are here. It’s both easier and more difficult for me to believe that than to try to wring meaning from every little thing that happens. In the past week, I have found meaning in late-night conversations (it was very late in my time zone), in long car rides, in moonlit walks in my neighborhood, in excellent meals and time spent with family, in concerned voicemail messages, in music that reminds me to stay positive. I am thankful for the people and things around me that remind me of life’s meaning even when I don’t completely know what that means.

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