Something there is in consciousness that slumber cannot break.

I have been trying not to talk about this too much, but I am really not sleeping all that well these days. I have been trying to keep the caffeine to the mornings and exercise and do the right things, but so far all that has gotten me is a twitchy eyelid and a mind that won’t stop racing at all hours of the early early morning. Racing about what, you ask? Well, the list is too long to subject you to, but it can be summed up in one word: Everything. Jobs, house, school, Big Bunny, house, anxiety itself, the fact that my eyelid won’t stop twitching, sleeping, the fact that Mike can sleep at any time, whether I should take something to help me sleep, whether our house will sell in a timely manner, how much I will miss my mom when she is gone for two weeks, whether my friends hate me because I am so freaking anxious and sleep deprived all the time, the fact that our refrigerator broke when we had a showing scheduled for our house the next day . . . I mean, really. You name it, and my eye will start twitching about it. And it will keep me awake.

Mike really can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. That fact that he and I are together is proof that God can have a really twisted sense of humor. Oh, you don’t think so? You try being the one listening to his peaceful sleepy breathing at 2:00 am. We’ll see how bitter and resentful you get. That’s what I thought. I am happy for him that he is such a good sleeper, but I wonder how it might be possible to achieve some of that on my own. I have picked up some of his musical taste and some of his favorite foods. Why can’t sleep be one of those things that rubs off on me?

At lunch today, Mike told the following anecdote from last night. It does not paint me in a very positive light, but I am going to tell it anyway. Let’s set the stage: I went to bed with some very bad heartburn and tried to read my book. Mike came to bed and, of course, fell asleep very quickly. I was managing to doze off when, in a cruel twist of fate, Mike shifted and started snoring, which woke me up. The following conversation then took place.

KARI: You have GOT to be kidding me.

MIKE, SLEEPILY: That wasn’t very nice.

KARI: Did I say that out loud?

MIKE: *turns back to Kari*

KARI, SHEEPISHLY: Sorry.

I am sorry, Mike, that I am so bitter and resentful of your sleep. But, really, you should have heard what I said to Big Bunny last week when I was dreaming that we were driving down the road and then, weirdly, the wind picked up and things started hitting the side of our car and making loud banging noises . . . and then I woke up and realized it was just Big Bunny making noise in her cage. A lot of noise. She was mad about something. So I had to go and tell her to be quiet. Also, I turned on the dryer to drown out any further noise she made.

Actually, you could have heard it all yourself. Except you slept through it. Jerk.

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