Through a Glass, Darkly

KARI: Old Navy, I would like to buy some jeans.

OLD NAVY: I am uninterested in your money.

KARI: No, seriously, I need some jeans.

OLD NAVY: I refuse to provide some in your size.

KARI: I have noticed that. In the three Old Navys I have visited in two different states.

OLD NAVY: Well, now that I think about it, I did have some in your size.

KARI: We have spoken about the skinny jeans before, Old Navy. I am not wearing the skinny jeans.

OLD NAVY: I would like for you to wear them so that I can laugh at you.

KARI: You can’t make me wear them.

OLD NAVY: Soon you will have no choice. Resistance is futile.

KARI: I have also noticed that you like to put the jeans for people my size on the top shelf.

OLD NAVY: I laugh when you try to reach them. And then, after jumping and grabbing them, you still can’t find your size.

KARI: And the ladder, always right there within reach, always with a big sign on it saying I can’t use it.

OLD NAVY: Hee hee hee.

KARI: Did you laugh when I ripped the cardboard off of the front of your fancy display and sorted through approximately 1,000 pairs of jeans and STILL couldn’t find my size?

OLD NAVY: My favorite part was how none of my sales associates offered to help you.

KARI: In any of the stores.

OLD NAVY: Everything is going just as I have planned it.

KARI: Why do we have this problem with jeans, Old Navy? I can find other clothes in my size.

OLD NAVY: I really am conspiring against you.

KARI: Oh! Can I show this to Mike? He thinks I am overreacting.

OLD NAVY: I don’t care who knows. I am out to get you.

KARI: I like this vindication. But it would also be nice to have jeans. It’s . . . kind of cold outside . . .

OLD NAVY: *yawn*