In which Joseph and Mike achieve ultimate fulfillment in the form of red meat.

Over the weekend, we flew to Florida for my uncle’s surprise 70th birthday party.

Now, when I tell you that we flew on a private plane to go to a surprise party at the yacht club, you know that’s not how my life normally goes, right? But it was nice to pretend that it was. What are you doing this weekend, Kari? Oh, flying to Florida in a private jet. What are you doing?

We stayed in a nice inn right in downtown Naples, which was fun. My huge disappointment, however, was that I thought we were going to have a suite, with me and Mike in one room and my mom and my brother in the other room. I spent many hours envisioning the pajama parties we were going to have: watching movies, teaching my mom to knit. That, I am sad to say, did not happen, because we were down the hall from each other. No one knows where I got the idea that we were going to be in a suite. Apparently I made it up. But doesn’t my brain sound like a fun place to be? Don’t you wish you could have gone to that pajama party?

Anyway, we ran errands and went out to eat and went to the party (he was very surprised, not least that we were there). And then on Monday, when we could finally hang out with my aunt and uncle, my aunt went with us to Cheeburger Cheeburger, because I was demanding hamburgers and onion rings. Don’t ask why. There is no reason. I just WANTED A HAMBURGER. We chose Cheeburger Cheeburger even though we know that their service is consistently appalling. Both of the locations I have been to in Naples have had terrible service. In fact, there were only about four tables that had people, which should tell you something. And there were at least five different people serving tables. But we still didn’t get our onion rings until we had almost finished our burgers. What were they DOING back there?


Anyway, as you can see from their menu, they have a 20 oz burger. And so begins our story.

Sometimes we all say things without thinking. I think this was the case when my aunt said, “Who’s going to eat the pound burger?” You would think she hadn’t met Mike and Joseph, both of whom can put away some food. Normally volume eating isn’t something she approves of, but since this she had asked, she couldn’t take it back. They were both up for it.





Joseph’s eyes frighten me here. He is seriously intense about that burger.

I stuck with a 7 oz burger. Because I am not interested in volume eating, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. (I can’t claim to be worried about my girlish figure, since I was like: ONION RINGS! MUST HAVE FRIED FOOD AND RED MEAT!)

Anyway, as expected, neither Mike nor Joseph had any trouble whatsoever devouring the burger. And also some onion rings. (And later that afternoon, they each had a bowl of ice cream. Joseph also had an ice cream cone. My mom and my aunt began to turn green just looking at them consume food.)

The good news, though, is that eating this large burger really means something. If you finish it, you get to wear a silly hat and also your picture goes up on the wall.



Wow, that face sums it all up, I think.



Still hungry, I see.

The great thing about these pictures is that you get to write a meaningful sentiment at the bottom to be posted for all to see. It’s practically the Pulitzer Prize of eating. You probably saw these pictures in the paper (how could such a momentous occasion not be written up in the paper?), but just in case you didn’t, let me repost them here for you.


Truly, it was a day to remember. Joseph and Mike achieved what mere mortals only dream of.

After that, to finish off the day, we drove around in our limo and drank champagne in our hot tub.*

(*We did not do either of those things. Instead, we flew home on the private jet. Why can’t that be enough for you?)

No Trackbacks