Notes from our vacation.

Dear Florida,

All that “Sunshine State” stuff is no joke! Thanks for the lovely weather, the nice day at the beach, and the general splendor. I got to float around in the pool and read! Does life get any better than that? I do not think so. Also, I really loved all the fresh fruits and vegetables. I am all full of fantastic vitamins and minerals. I just can’t thank you enough.

Sunnily yours,
Kari

Dear US Air,

I HATE YOU.

I can’t even think of a closing that is hateful enough,
Kari

Dear Librarians,

I read The Higher Power of Lucky, and, seriously? Did you even read the book? You’re that upset about the word “scrotum”? Bunch of city slickers. Those of us who are from rural areas know that: 1. Kids who are ages 9-11 should already know that word and 2. There are way bigger problems in the world. I have heard kids use slang that is much much worse, and I’d rather that they know what the actual words are for body parts. It was a sweet book that’s perfectly appropriate for that age group.

Sigh.

My full review will come at some point,
Kari

Dear US Air,

I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID BROKEN COMPUTERS THAT MADE TODAY MISERABLE, WHAT WITH THE LONG LINES AND THE STANDING AND THE CONFUSION THAT ALL YOUR EMPLOYEES SEEMED TO HAVE.

I will crush you with my anger,
Kari

Dear ESPN,

Why do you have to make things so difficult for me? We go away on vacation and watch basketball and Sportscenter for a solid week, and then we have to come home and be without you. And then Mike says things like, “I miss ESPN,” and then we argue about whether we should have cable. Why do you hate me, ESPN? Why?

I secretly miss you, too, but please don’t tell Mike,
Kari

Dear US Air,

I HATE YOU AND IF YOU DON’T FIND MY BAG, I AM GOING TO OPEN UP A CAN OF YOU-KNOW-WHAT. BUT GOODNESS ONLY KNOWS WHERE MY BAG COULD POSSIBLY BE SINCE YOUR COMPUTERS ARE ALL BROKEN. I HATE YOU.

I hate you.
-Kari

Dear Hugh Grant,

You make me laugh, with your silly 80s hair and your awful dance moves. I just can’t help myself. I loved Music and Lyrics, and I don’t even care who knows it.

Pop goes my heart,
Kari

Dear US Air,

If it’s up to me, I will never fly you ever again. Heck, I may never fly anywhere ever again, after today.

Keeping my feet on the ground,
Kari

PS. Why are you reading this? Why are you not FINDING MY BAG?

Dear Ralph Lauren,

I love my new bathing suit. Thank you for designing it. And while we’re at it, I’d like to have a word with the other bathing suit designers. That thing you are doing, with tankinis? Where the top is all flared out? That’s cute in a shirt, but who looks good in a bathing suit like that? Certainly not me. I look PREGNANT in a bathing suit like that. This is why I had to say things like, “There must be rings of hell that are nothing but trying on bathing suits,” when I talked to Dawn this week. Also, Isaac Mizrahi, I liked you on The Apprentice, but not so much as a bathing suit designer. Just FYI.

But Ralph, he is still tops on my list,
Kari

Dear US Air,

We haven’t heard from you, but I hope that is because you are out FINDING MY BAG.

HATE.
-Kari

Gentle reader,

As you may or may not have been able to tell, we had a great vacation but an awful day of travel today. I promise to update you on the books I read and the other things I pondered this week. After I get done bringing down US Air.

Sincerely,
Kari

Dear Aunt and Uncle,

Thank you for a lovely week. What with all the sun and the Sportscenter and the lounging in the pool. So nice. Thanks.

With love,
Kari and Mike

Dear US Air,

I WILL CUT YOU. DON’T QUESTION IT.

THAT IS ALL,
Kari

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