Oh, what a night.

When I throw up in the middle of the night, I always go to the hall bathroom and close the door so that Mike won’t be able to hear me. If, somehow, he did (this has never happened), I would shoo him away. It’s really embarassing for someone to see you barfing. It’s pretty much the most disgusting thing ever.

Paradoxically, though I’m sneaking down the stairs to get a ginger ale and quietly getting back into bed so I don’t wake him up (I never do), I really really want Mike to wake up and take care of me. I think that’s allowed when vomit is involved. Basically, I just don’t want him holding my hair while I’m puking. To be honest, though, that’s because I really hope I am not expected to hold his hair while he’s puking. I have never been tested on this matter, though, because the one time he’s gotten sick since we got together was when he was in Arizona, and all I had to offer him were words over the phone. I might respond differently if he was actually here, with more compassion than concern for my own stomach, but I just don’t know. I don’t mind that I didn’t wake him up, but I really do wish somehow I could get him to be the one who gets the ginger ale and crackers so that my pitiful self can crawl back into bed instead of creeping down the stairs. I could probably have asked him, but that’s a little too selfish even for me.

When I was a kid, every time I got a stomach virus, my dad would appear in the bathroom soon after the puking with a glass of water for me to rinse out my mouth. I have a feeling he’s not so good with the actual puking part, either (I come by that pretty honestly), but he was really good at the stuff that came after. And when he’s awake, Mike is really good at that stuff, too. He’s also good at the puking part, even though I try to shoo him away. I guess the puking part is an important part of marriage, too – it’s that vulnerability that I’m sometimes not so good at. It’s embarassing for someone to see you kneeling by the toilet. But when you’ve found someone who will love you in spite of that level of disgustingness, I’d advise keeping them around.

All this to say: I’m at home today. It was not a good night. But this morning Mike took great care of me, and hopefully it will all be over soon.

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