A woman seldom writes her mind, but in her postscript.

Dear ladies who might see me on their caller ID from Friday afternoon around 2:30 EST,

So, my friend who is having a baby said they needed diapers. I don’t know anything about diapers. I went to the diaper aisle at Target and there are all these numbers! What do they mean? How do I know which ones are good? Huggies? Pampers? I heard the Wal-Mart brand was okay, but I was in Target. And I didn’t really want to buy the store brand for a shower. I am apparently not qualified to buy diapers! But none of you answered your phones! If they’re not right, I blame you.

I almost asked a random lady on the aisle, but I was afraid to scare her,

Dear people in the picture frame aisle at Target,

Didn’t you think it was funny that we were all on our cell phones? I hope that you, lady with the green t-shirt, have a good time at your chic dinner tonight, and you, man with frayed jeans, can fix whatever it was you were fighting about. And, yes, my husband did get the ingredients for peach cobbler at the grocery store. Thanks for asking.

Enjoy those frames,

Dear large athletic store,

I don’t know if that guy was a district manager or what, but, just a suggestion: Berating the employees in front of the customers may not be the way to go. Why would I want help from someone who just yelled at a bunch of people? Why would I buy shoes from you?

I was the one practically running out the door,

Dear large shoe store,

So that’s what 50,000 pairs of shoes look like.


Dear people in the car next to me,

Yes, I like Kelly Clarkson. I like singing along to her. What is the problem?

I’m so moving on,

Dear lady who sang “Breakaway” when it started playing over the store’s speakers,


I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly,

Dear people who make shoes,

I know it’s been a long time since I bought shoes, but . . . velcro? For adults? Really? I’m 26, are you sure that’s okay?

I think the last time I had velcro was on KangaRoos,

Dear Mom,

You might want to sit down, because all the shoes I liked today were grey and pink. That’s right, pink.

I’m a woman who wears pink,

Dear Easy Peach Cobbler,

Wow, your name is for real! So easy! So peachy! I don’t even feel guilty about using canned peaches!

I don’t even really like peach cobbler, but you have won me over with your easy cobbler ways,

Dear Friday,

Could you always be this warm and wonderful? I like driving around with my windows rolled down. (Listening to Kelly Clarkson.)

Thanks for a nice day off,

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