So this is Christmas.

I have been having a hard time getting into Christmas so far. I mean, I know it’s early, but I was so excited about Christmas music and decorating, and then Thanksgiving came and went, and the wind just went out of my sails. Part of it has been that I’m still not completely recovered from surgery (I have been trying not to complain, but my lip and chin are still numb and it just wears me out), part of it has been the weather, and part of it is general Christmas stress. Yesterday in Sunday School, we talked about how Christmas can be a depressing time instead of a joyful time, and why we can have hope despite the stress.

My constant refrain around holidays is that I’m worried about making the holiday special for Mike, since his parents aren’t around and he doesn’t have a large extended family. And Christmas reminds me of my old best friend, because of the constant Amy Grant on the radio. There are lots of reasons to get sad listening to Amy Grant (or that listening to Amy Grant might make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a pen), but that’s mine. I also hate shopping, as evidenced by my annual holiday shopping crying meltdown this weekend (it took place in the china department of Belk’s, if you were wondering).

Maybe I’ve been trying too hard, with the shopping and the baking and the decorating and the Christmas music and the Advent devotional. This morning I’m listening to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack instead, and last night I read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which always puts me in a Christmas mood, maybe because I got the set for Christmas one year). We’re trying to do more quiet things instead of filling each evening with Christmas activities. Tonight I plan on baking some more and reading a bit more of The Narnian, which I have been enjoying so far (though it was nice to take a break from it and read TLTWTW). I guess I have to stop forcing myself to feel a certain way, and just let the holiday unfold as it will.

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