I’ve got a letter for you sitting in my pocket

Dear Old Navy,

I came to your store to spend money. I know I haven’t been in a while, but it’s not because I was cheating on you. It’s because I had no money to spend. And today, when I was ready to spend, you had nothing for me. Well, you had some cute pants, but they only came in the regular size. I, unfortunately, wear the short length. What about my needs, Old Navy? Short people have needs, too. Help me spend my money.

Thanks for nothing,

Dear Gap,

So, what, you guys don’t carry skirts anymore? You had like two in the whole store. What’s that all about?


Dear Ann Taylor Loft,

Please lower your prices. I love pretty much everything in your store. But I can’t buy it.

Also, your sale rack today? Sucked. Could you do something about that?

I would wear ATL every day if I could (but don’t tell Old Navy),

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I have been trying to spend this giftcard for two and a half months. I know what I want. I can’t buy it if you don’t stock it in my size. What is it with stores not wanting my money today?

Oh, and your salespeople leave a lot to be desired,

Dear Mike,

I’m still not speaking to you. You should know better than to look at my to-do list so close to your birthday.

I love you (but I’m still mad),

Dear 12-year-old Kari,

I have bad news. Apparently, even 14 years later, you are still so immature that when you are meeting a new doctor and he is super-cute, it’s really hard for you not to giggle. One day, perhaps, you’ll be past this phase. But not yet.

Not yet a grown up,
26-year-old Kari

Dear Hallmark,

I mean, I get that you put the Christmas ornaments out in July, but, seriously, is that really necessary? Yeah, I mean, I looked at them today, but I didn’t buy one. Yeah, I mean, I would have bought one for Mike if I had seen one that I liked. But let me tell you what would have happened. I would have hidden it away in some secret place and then completely forgotten about it and had trouble finding it come Christmas. It’s just as good that you didn’t have one. But, for the record, could you maybe step up the snowmen next year? Mike really likes snowmen.

I’m not just bitter because you didn’t have anything I liked,

Dear Target,

I know I don’t come see you very often, but I do love you. Thank you for the cute shirt and the other thing that I can’t mention until after Mike’s birthday. But you know what I mean.

Hugs and kisses,

Dear Old Navy,

Yeah, I came back. I bought a skirt. What of it? If you’d had something affordable to go with the skirt to begin with, I wouldn’t have had to go to Target. Did you ever think of that?

I’m still not sure why skirts are in such short supply in this town,

Dear Mike,

See, all that money I spent today wasn’t so bad. I obviously tried to spend a lot more. And anyway, it was all for you! And your birthday party! Next week is birthday week! You you you!

Attempting to distract you from the credit card bill,

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