A peek into my mind

At small group on Monday we were talking about forgiveness, and although I did not contribute anything to the discussion, I did have a thought.

I think forgiveness is often overwhelming for me because of wrong things I believe about God. If I feel that God isn’t interested in me, that he doesn’t like me (which is different than loving me), that he’s paying attention to everyone else while I’m sitting in the corner being ignored, then of course it’s harder to be forgiving. I feel that someone has to look out for me, to make sure the wrongs in my life are accounted for, and if God’s not going to do it, I guess it falls to me. So I’m not going to forgive, because I’m taking care of myself, nursing my wounds, making sure the wrongs against me are remembered.

This is wrong on all kinds of levels, but it is interesting insight as to how my mind works, and it’s interesting to see how one wrong idea can affect me so deeply.

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