Roll to the Middle

It’s not really a stretch to claim that the bed is pretty symbolic and important in a marriage relationship. We have a queen size sleigh bed that we got a year and a half ago. We have had some great times reading and talking and just being together there, but we have also had some terrible, heartbreaking fights and discussions. Things have been said there that I want to never forget, and things have been said that I wish we could just erase from our memories.

I’m not one of those people who will stay up until 4am talking about a fight or disagreement so that “the sun doesn’t go down on our anger.” I think it’s okay not to take that verse 100% literally – we should resolve our disagreements as quickly as possible, but sometimes it’s just too late and we’re too tired and upset. We have to sleep on it. Those are the times when it’s scary to be in bed together . . . you know it hasn’t been resolved, but here you are, sharing a bed. What are you supposed to do?

All the complicated wars
They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down
We roll to the middle

No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can’t be sure
That you’re gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I’m going to reach for you

I was listening to the new Sara Groves CD this morning, and that song really hit me as being very much what marriage is about. Rolling to the middle of the bed, even after you have both said and heard the worst possible things (which is easy to do, since you know each other so well). Making that first move, and being the one to put your pride aside. For some reason, it’s always easier for me to do that in bed, when the lights are off. To say I’m sorry or I forgive you. And to let the holding and the closeness heal that anger and hurt.

I was thinking about our bed today, not because we have had any big fights recently, but because my favorite thing about our new house (not the dishwasher, surprisingly enough) is the central air and heat. We’ve had baseboard heat and a window air conditioning unit since we were married. That meant that we couldn’t touch in the summer without being all sticky, and in the winter it would either be too warm or too chilly in our apartment. But the past few nights in our house, we’ve been able to be close all night long without either of us getting too hot or having to move. That never happens. It’s a small thing, but it makes me really happy to wake up in the middle with Mike.

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