Comments on: tender.

By: Jayne

Jayne — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 15:34:02 +0000

My mother, whom I love, was a constant critic of all things physical, skin, weight, taste. I swore that would I not be a critical mother, and for the most part, I think I have not been. I have grown children with healthy bodies who run and bike and play and generally take great pleasure in physical use of their limbs. But I have always criticized myself, never imagining that it hurt them. I have been perplexed by my daughters’ comments and worries about their bodies because I knew that they did not hear negative comments from me (the wonderful mother) about them. Recently though, we were enjoying an evening with my parents and my mom – at 81 – was berating herself for an extra cookie and talking about her renewed resolve to make it to her weight watcher meetings. It was stunning to think that Mom and I have passed our negative body messages to our daughters, not entirely through critical comment to them – but also our apparent distaste for our own bodies. I am currently resolved to quit asking my ever patient husband – “Am I as heavy as she?” – about women at church or downtown. And to quit refusing to be in photographs with my grandchildren because I don’t like pictures of myself. Messages are sent to our children in unlikely forms!

By: Hannah

Hannah — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:49:33 +0000

I was over at a friend’s house recently and a girl in her daycare told me that she couldn’t eat anything because she was too fat. friend of mine recently overheard her neighbor telling her 6-year old daughter that they were going to change/limit the things she could eat because her daughter was “too fat” and “need[ed] to lose weight.” These things break my heart. That’s not how that conversation should have gone at all, and this is not the way we should be talking to our children about body image. We should be talking about health, taking good care of ourselves, about respecting our bodies and what they were made to do, eating good food to fuel our bodies so they can work best, and so on.

Thanks for posting this.

By: Tracey

Tracey — Thu, 24 May 2012 13:19:07 +0000

I love this. I love the concept of being tender with our bodies. We tend to be so hard on ourselves forgetting what our bodies have been through and what they are doing. Even after all the sacrificial body giving is done, we still need some grace. These little eyes that watch us are learning from us. You have added pressure of students as well. Thanks for sharing.

By: Daniel Miles

Daniel Miles — Thu, 24 May 2012 13:17:18 +0000

Oh my, I read your post and thought, “I have the same body image issues, only I can’t claim the amazing feat of having given birth.” So I appreciate you naming that boys have body image issues, too.

Also, what a gift it is to see our bodies the same way our children see us. This morning, Andra ran her hands with fascination over my chest hair. I certainly love the way my spouse runs her hand through my chest hair, but there’s a completely different kind of tenderness and wonder in the way our children love our bodies. What a blessing that is for us as parents to accept.