What wonder.

My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear

You know the story: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and get married, boy and girl wait ten years to even think about having children. So long that people have given up on them. So long that people completely freak out when they tell them (or text them) and say things like, “Two lines, two lines!” There has been a lot of crying since those pink lines appeared, and only some of it was mine. (Dollar Tree tests are awesome, you guys. I got a positive answer freakishly early.)

An ankle, an earlobe, an elbow bone
It’s weird how it wonderful grows
And it was only me and you
That made this three come out of two

I knew even before I knew, like a secret buzzing inside of me. That was before I started to feel so tired all the time. Everything seemed supercharged. Which surprised me. It hasn’t been a secret that I wasn’t sure whether I really wanted to do this whole parenting thing. And if my child is reading this one day in the future, I want to be clear: It’s not that I didn’t want you. In fact, you can be assured, we did want you, very much. We made a conscious decision to want you. It freaked me the crap out to head down the path towards you. But I knew then and I know now that you will be someone I wanted to meet and know.

My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear

I have never in my life experienced baby fever. I am not the kind of person who wants to hold other people’s babies. I have never touched a pregnant belly. I don’t think of myself as particularly maternal. I am, in short, not the prime candidate for this motherhood thing. We thought a lot about whether we wanted to do it, and what I ultimately realized is that my faith in God was leading me to believe that this was the right thing to do. I like what Colin Meloy says in the song I am quoting throughout this post, that “it was only me and you who made this three come out of two,” and in one sense, yes, this baby belongs only to me and Mike. But in the other sense, the part where I believe that God allows us to work with him to create new and beautiful things, God was there, too, creating a person with us. Madeleine L’Engle says: β€œThe important thing is that creation is God’s, and that we are part of it, and being part of creation is for us to be co-creators with [God] in the continuing joy of new creation.” She talks about the idea of being co-creators with God a lot in her book on the arts, Walking on Water. But since my doodles during the sermon and even my bowls aren’t exactly art, I realized that one of the ways that I could step out in faith and ask God to let me be his vessel for creation was to actually make my body a vessel. I came to believe that, even though I think my life was great beforehand, that there was part of this whole journey with God that I would be missing if I closed myself off to that part of the world.

A’tumblin’ in Dublin and next thing you know
A weird and a wonderful show
All tendons and ribcabe and beating heart
A weird and a wonderful start

Each week, we had a new name for the baby based on its size. When it was the size of a prune, we called it Prudence and sang Beatles songs to it. When it was the size of a lime, we finally were able to use a boy’s name: Liam. And when it was the size of a lemon, we called it Liz. (Yes, we’re big 30 Rock fans, why do you ask?) About eight weeks in, we had a big scare, enough to warrant an early ultrasound. Through the haze of fear and pain, I was relieved to hear the heartbeat, to see the little one curled up snugly. We prayed that everything would be okay. And it was.


(Baby is on the right at 8 weeks and on the left at 10.)

And it was only me and you
That made this three come out of two
My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear
It’s weird, but mostly wonderful, dear

I guess there are more romantic songs than this one about babies, but I’m not very romantic and, let’s face it, “weird but mostly wonderful” probably suits our personalities a little bit better anyway. We’re doing our best to get the baby’s room (and our lives) ready, but I have to tell you that I am still hyperventilating at the idea of having to buy a crib. I bought a bookcase, though. The baby needs a place to put his or her books more than he or she needs a place to sleep, right? We’ve still got some time to work on that crib thing. We just wanted to let you know our news: two are in the process of becoming three. The arrival of number three is expected at the beginning of January. We’ll keep you posted.

2 Trackbacks

You can leave a trackback using this URL: http://throughaglass.net/archives/2010/07/06/what-wonder/trackback/

  1. […] What wonder. – Through a Glass, Darkly (tags: gfmorris_comment) Posted July 6th, 2010 in del.icio.us Links by del.icio.us Linkdumper. […]

  2. […] the pool. My real actual excuse has to do with things like vacations and family time, and, oh yeah, I’m having a baby! In January. So there has been planning and curtain-sewing and things like that going on. I like to […]

32 Comments

  1. Still soooooo happy for y’all. And excited about meeting this new addition. πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  2. So happy for you and Mike. You are going to be incredible parents.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  3. Congratulations! It’s a wild ride.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  4. oh my. what a story. a life story. a very good story. congratulations. your baby is beautiful…

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  5. This makes me so ridiculously happy that I can’t stop crying. πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  6. i think this little person just won the parent lottery.

    congrats you two (three)!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  7. scott

    so incredibly awesome!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  8. I’m so excited for you guys and this post if one of the lovliest announcing a new baby posts I’ve ever read!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  9. Meredith Uber

    How exciting, fun and daring of you! You will be a wonderful mom. Thanks for sharing! I hope to see you pregnant and for me not to be πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  10. well. you may not be the weepy type, but I SURE AM. Good Lord, woman, this post is sweet. I know you didn’t do that on purpose. I loved the two-lines! text and the news and all the happy. Can’t wait to hold your baby, because I am also the type who does that sort of thing. Yay!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  11. charles

    yay!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  12. I don’t comment much, but I’ve been reading for a long time. Congrats! Parenthood is the most exciting ride I’ve ever been on. You’ll love it.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  13. Congratulations! How exciting this journey on which you are embarking!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  14. i’ve been reading your blog for a while now…pretty much always lurking, but i wanted to say congrats. i think i felt similar to you about babies myself…i never liked holding them, never was one to get all gooey over them or much care about a pregnant woman’s belly. in fact, when my hubby told me he was ready for kids, i hyperventilated a bit and when the test read positive i took 2 more because i was in such shock/scared/excited. now that i’m a mom (to my wonderful 4-month old), i feel like it was what i was meant to do in life. i still don’t get the whole ga-ga over other people’s babies thing, but i sure am ga-ga over mine. i have no doubt you will be too. πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  15. I am not a mom… at least not yet. But through your writing I am right there with you. Your post is so heartwarming and precious. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Beautiful! Congratulations! πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  16. can’t stop smiling. and for the first time ever, when i saw our category of post being “family” i thought of your 3 person family. love you both, and so excited to walk this incredibly joyous journey with you.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  17. Rebecca

    Hi Kari, like many of the other posters here, I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and never made much noise, but heartfelt congratulations to you and Mike and God bless.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  18. oh, the wonder of being three, not two… i cannot say it enough. congratulations!

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  19. brandi

    Love love love it.

    Posted 7/6/2010 at | Permalink
  20. This post was just what I needed to read today. I’m so very happy for you and Mike. This is going to be an awesome adventure!

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  21. Judy

    A line Madeleine wrote from “The Ordering of Love”: “I know not all of that which I contain.” In that poem, Mary is speaking, but it refers to all of us – what a beautiful mystery, and how wonderful that we will travel the journey with you and Mike.

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  22. So happy for you guys.

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  23. We are overwhelmed with all of your kind words. Thank you all so much!

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  24. Congratulations! πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  25. Kim #2

    Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted 7/7/2010 at | Permalink
  26. Shelby

    Your old friend Shelby is stopping in to say how incredibly happy I am for both you and Mike, you will make awesome parents!!

    Posted 7/8/2010 at | Permalink
  27. Kyra Joy

    yay!

    Posted 7/10/2010 at | Permalink
  28. Nancy

    Kari, I read this several days ago and wanted to respond, but it is so beautifully written that I didn’t have the appropriately significant words that a response deserved. I’ll just say that I’m very happy about this new person who is now a part of your family – and who (I’m thinking) always was in God’s mind. I am one of those people who loves babies just because they are, but there is something uniquely wonderful about my own (who is of course, no longer a baby!) and about those that belong to the people who are very special to me, which makes this baby one of the especially wonderful little ones in my life. You are indeed taking part in God’s creation in carrying and birthing a child. What a wonderful experience and one of the blessings of this life!

    Posted 7/10/2010 at | Permalink
  29. I almost missed this exciting post because I’ve been on vacation. How exciting and congratulations and all the rest….
    Blessings on you and your little family.

    Posted 7/10/2010 at | Permalink
  30. Keith

    Kari, this is so wonderful! I’m totally happy for you guys πŸ™‚

    Posted 7/12/2010 at | Permalink
  31. I’m just catching up on some blog reading and WOW. I’m so excited for you and Mike. TEARS. And this post was just beautiful to read. Congratulations!

    Posted 7/13/2010 at | Permalink
  32. _steve

    HOLY CRAP!!!! CONGRATU-OHMYGOD-LATIONS!!!!!!

    I’m so very very happy for you and Mike! I believe you will make wonderful (and wonderfully quirky) parents, and that your child will be incredibly lucky to have you two to raise him/her/shkler. I wish you the best of luck with all of this; and if you or your child ever needs an Arkansas lawyer (God forbid), please look me up – discount rates for .netters!

    Posted 7/18/2010 at | Permalink

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*