What wonder.

My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear

You know the story: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and get married, boy and girl wait ten years to even think about having children. So long that people have given up on them. So long that people completely freak out when they tell them (or text them) and say things like, “Two lines, two lines!” There has been a lot of crying since those pink lines appeared, and only some of it was mine. (Dollar Tree tests are awesome, you guys. I got a positive answer freakishly early.)

An ankle, an earlobe, an elbow bone
It’s weird how it wonderful grows
And it was only me and you
That made this three come out of two

I knew even before I knew, like a secret buzzing inside of me. That was before I started to feel so tired all the time. Everything seemed supercharged. Which surprised me. It hasn’t been a secret that I wasn’t sure whether I really wanted to do this whole parenting thing. And if my child is reading this one day in the future, I want to be clear: It’s not that I didn’t want you. In fact, you can be assured, we did want you, very much. We made a conscious decision to want you. It freaked me the crap out to head down the path towards you. But I knew then and I know now that you will be someone I wanted to meet and know.

My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear

I have never in my life experienced baby fever. I am not the kind of person who wants to hold other people’s babies. I have never touched a pregnant belly. I don’t think of myself as particularly maternal. I am, in short, not the prime candidate for this motherhood thing. We thought a lot about whether we wanted to do it, and what I ultimately realized is that my faith in God was leading me to believe that this was the right thing to do. I like what Colin Meloy says in the song I am quoting throughout this post, that “it was only me and you who made this three come out of two,” and in one sense, yes, this baby belongs only to me and Mike. But in the other sense, the part where I believe that God allows us to work with him to create new and beautiful things, God was there, too, creating a person with us. Madeleine L’Engle says: “The important thing is that creation is God’s, and that we are part of it, and being part of creation is for us to be co-creators with [God] in the continuing joy of new creation.” She talks about the idea of being co-creators with God a lot in her book on the arts, Walking on Water. But since my doodles during the sermon and even my bowls aren’t exactly art, I realized that one of the ways that I could step out in faith and ask God to let me be his vessel for creation was to actually make my body a vessel. I came to believe that, even though I think my life was great beforehand, that there was part of this whole journey with God that I would be missing if I closed myself off to that part of the world.

A’tumblin’ in Dublin and next thing you know
A weird and a wonderful show
All tendons and ribcabe and beating heart
A weird and a wonderful start

Each week, we had a new name for the baby based on its size. When it was the size of a prune, we called it Prudence and sang Beatles songs to it. When it was the size of a lime, we finally were able to use a boy’s name: Liam. And when it was the size of a lemon, we called it Liz. (Yes, we’re big 30 Rock fans, why do you ask?) About eight weeks in, we had a big scare, enough to warrant an early ultrasound. Through the haze of fear and pain, I was relieved to hear the heartbeat, to see the little one curled up snugly. We prayed that everything would be okay. And it was.


(Baby is on the right at 8 weeks and on the left at 10.)

And it was only me and you
That made this three come out of two
My darling, what wonder have we wrought here?
It’s weird and it’s wonderful, dear
It’s weird, but mostly wonderful, dear

I guess there are more romantic songs than this one about babies, but I’m not very romantic and, let’s face it, “weird but mostly wonderful” probably suits our personalities a little bit better anyway. We’re doing our best to get the baby’s room (and our lives) ready, but I have to tell you that I am still hyperventilating at the idea of having to buy a crib. I bought a bookcase, though. The baby needs a place to put his or her books more than he or she needs a place to sleep, right? We’ve still got some time to work on that crib thing. We just wanted to let you know our news: two are in the process of becoming three. The arrival of number three is expected at the beginning of January. We’ll keep you posted.

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  1. […] What wonder. – Through a Glass, Darkly (tags: gfmorris_comment) Posted July 6th, 2010 in del.icio.us Links by del.icio.us Linkdumper. […]

  2. […] the pool. My real actual excuse has to do with things like vacations and family time, and, oh yeah, I’m having a baby! In January. So there has been planning and curtain-sewing and things like that going on. I like to […]

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