This means war.

Dear Friends,

There has been a lot of talk in recent years about our culture’s War on Christmas. I am here today to bring your attention to an even more pressing problem. Instead of being allowed to focus on gratitude, family, and food, three of my own personal favorite things, we are forced to move directly from Halloween straight into the Christmas season. Whither Thanksgiving? Why must we forsake our cornucopias, our fall leaves, our pumpkins? I will tell you, Friends. It is because our culture has declared a War on Thanksgiving.

Every year, I fight this battle, resisting the Christmas music and decorations until the day after Thanksgiving. I focus on the opportunity to spend time giving thanks, to celebrate with family and friends, and to eat a metric ton of food. As Halloween decorations have increased in recent years, this battle has become more and more lonely. Fewer and fewer people are able to resist the Yuletide Agenda, as the Yuletide Elitists (or “Yuletideists”) encourage everyone to begin decorating for Christmas at the beginning of November. Some of these Yuletideists even invoke the name of Jesus in their early decorating. But I am pretty sure that Jesus, a humble carpenter, would rather that we spent more time focusing on gratitude than on throwing him a birthday party. It saddens me to see the hyperopia that these Yuletideists are engaging in, missing the beauty of the November holiday by focusing on one that doesn’t arrive until the end of December.

Friends, I have done my part this year, standing up for Thanksgiving and its delicious turkey, its flaky pumpkin pie, its green beans wrapped in bacon. I have preached the beauty of focusing on the present. But I am growing weary. No, do not fear, I am not in danger of caving. I am just in need of your encouragement. Continue to stand strong, to resist the pull of the Yuletide Agenda. Make your paper turkeys shaped like hands. Wear your pilgrim hats with pride. Take your tryptophan-induced nap. Look at the smiling faces of the people you love. Celebrate the purity of a holiday that retail hasn’t managed to co-opt for its own purposes. And let the Christmas season arrive at its designated time, as the Lord and the calendar intended.

With all Thanksgiving love,
Kari

(P.S. This letter was inspired by several conversations with my friend Emily, who kept reporting all the Christmas music she was listening to. I gave her the seventh Harry Potter book in an attempt to get her to stop the early decorating. Who has time to pull out the garland when there is an epic battle between good and evil being fought? Take that, Yuletideist Agenda!)

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    This means war. – Through a Glass, Darkly

17 Comments

  1. Fight the power, Kari. Stay strong.

    (But I’m uploading all my Christmas music on my iPod next week….. just to be ready, you know.)

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  2. I am with you, Kari. Especially where it concerns green beans wrapped in bacon.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  3. I’m with you fellas.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  4. smiley

    I’m with you!

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  5. Amen, Kari!

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  6. Not to be negative, but I must report that I have spoken with my colleague who was excited when the stores began putting out Christmas stuff before Halloween. I told her that I was supposed to punch her in the face for that. She then told me that she decorated her house last weekend.* She also sent me an e-mail yesterday morning telling me she listened to Christmas music all the way to work.

    *small victory: she assures me the lights will stay off until after Thanksgiving. There is still hope.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  7. Kari

    So after she said that, did you actually punch her in the face? Because that seems the only appropriate course of action.

    Also, I know you told her you were going to punch her in the face, but her email is decidedly hostile. You should talk to your HR department.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  8. Kari

    My compatriots! I appreciate your support in these dark days!

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  9. Carol

    I thought about you when I was over at Grandma’s house today. I glanced over the comics page in the newspaper and noticed Family Circus. In it the little boy was complaining to his mother that his sister was singing Christmas songs, and it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  10. In my defense, I am not in the Christmas spirit yet. But if Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree comes on while I’m picking out grapes, well, I am singing along. I LOVE THANKSGIVING. I ALSO LOVE BRENDA LEE. What am I supposed to do????

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  11. Oh, how much I have to say. Alas, I am in enemy territory and just a tad wee bit intimidated. Suffice it to say, YOUR PLAN IS WORKING. There is not a stitch of green garland pulled out yet. I have made it to Chapter 3, though.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  12. I am with you! I saw Christmas candy at the grocery two weeks ago! I refuse to buy anything Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Did anyone ask Thanksgiving how it felt being completely forgotten and neglected?

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  13. Kari

    That’s true, Brandi, when I hear that song, I think of you. And your deep deep love of it.

    Also, Emily, this is my menacing laugh: mwuhahahahahaha.

    Scott: way to be sensitive to Thanksgiving’s feelings. You are a true gentleman, sir.

    Posted 11/18/2009 at | Permalink
  14. Susan

    :fist of solidarity:

    Unlike Children’s Hospital of Alabama, Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital does not appear to be decorating for Christmas… yet. Though I did have to shake my fist angrily at some green garland downtown the other day.

    Posted 11/19/2009 at | Permalink
  15. I did not punch her in the face, because the e-mail ended with a smiley emoticon.

    Posted 11/19/2009 at | Permalink
  16. Stand stong, Kari.

    Posted 11/21/2009 at | Permalink
  17. Barbi

    I’m with you!

    Posted 11/22/2009 at | Permalink

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