So, remember last Thursday, when our upstairs air conditioner broke? Boy, am I glad that’s behind us . . . except, wait. When we came home this Thursday, we found that our downstairs air conditioner had broken. And because all the heat moved up the stairs (as heat is prone to do), the upstairs air conditioner could not keep up. It froze over in protest. Thus, we came home to absolutely no air conditioning anywhere. On a day when the high was 102 degrees.
The “nice” (do you see how I put “nice” in quotes there? I want you to notice that) air conditioning man who came and fixed our air conditioner on Friday said that he’d fixed fifteen air conditioners with the exact same problem in the past week. I suppose there are some people who would believe that sort of thing. But my brother and I, because we were raised by my father to be distrustful of . . . people . . . and authority . . . but mostly people in general, we know differently. We see very clearly that there is something sketchy going on with the air conditioners. Two air conditioners in the same house break within a week of each other? In exactly the same way? And we still have to pay for diagnosis and labor? Riiiiiiight.
This is very clearly some kind of conspiracy.
What I find interesting is that my brother and I, who were, as I mentioned, raised by my father, were very quick to notice this suspicious activity. Mike, however, said things like, “It’s not suspicious, it’s unusual,” which is a quote from the movie Millions, which we love. But that is not the point. The point is that he is wrong. There is clearly some kind of deal between the air conditioner installing people and the air conditioner fixing people. They are getting a lot of my money, and that is more than “unusual.” It’s shady. My brother, in fact, thought it was akin to a word that rhymes with “bullschmidt.” I cannot disagree.
I have tried, over the past nine years, to teach Mike about the ways of my people. That is, to be distrustful of everyone and to quickly draw conclusions that people are out to get you. Some people call this paranoid, but I prefer the charming term “neurotic.” He used to not believe in any conspiracies, but he has since changed his ways. Slightly. I am still bringing him over to the dark side. He just . . . trusts people. I can’t really understand it.
Don’t worry, good people of the internet. I will not rest until he understands that this very suspicious event needs to be investigated and the correct people are punished. (My brother and I will be in charge of punishments.)