1. Global warming. If you don’t believe in global warming, I will lock you in the attic until you do. It was 92 degrees in our house upstairs last night. It was 105 degrees outside yesterday. I will not listen to any arguments. Do you want to be locked in my attic? I didn’t think so.
2. Big Bunny and Tender Nibbles. Their added presence is too much for the air conditioner. Good thing we don’t have kids yet.
3. Mike. For being so dang hott that no amount of air conditioning could keep up.
4. Al Gore. If he hadn’t been so humorless people would have listened to him sooner (see number 1, but don’t argue or you will find yourself in my attic).
5. Local meteorologists. Maybe they should choose better weather for us. Did you ever think of that, guys (and girl)?!
6. The builders of our house for cutting down all the trees and also apparently putting in a crappy air conditioner. I will hunt them down. I will stuff them in a bag. And I will put them in the attic.
7. George W. Bush. Because he gets the blame for everything else these days. I’m pretty sure this is his fault, too.