Every day on my way to work, I turn right at a stoplight. At this light, for whatever reason, I have a yield sign, so I am supposed to yield to the drivers approaching me who are turning left onto that same road. And, nearly every morning, I try to yield and am honked at impatiently by either the drivers behind me or the drivers who are wanting to turn left and are waiting for me. Even though, according to the law, I am supposed to be waiting for them.
This is a very frustrating situation. Every once in a while, I’m like, “Screw it, I’m not yielding!” And then I get honked at by the person turning left, who thinks I should have yielded. There is no way to win. This is not the kind of stress I need on my way to work. I was complaining about this to Mike last night, and he reminded me that the point is just to keep the flow of traffic, and if I’m holding up traffic, I should just go. In response, I told him that the yield sign is my new metaphor for life: I try to do the right thing, and it never works out. He did not approve.
Last night we were talking about baseball and somehow we got on the subject of Johnny Damon. I said that there are things I wouldn’t do even if lots and lots of money was offered to me, and playing for the Yankees is one of them (I would be so unhappy living up north, for one thing). Mike asked me if I’d cheer for the Yankees if I was offered money, and after a certain amount, I agreed that I would. I mean, I hate the Yankees, and I wouldn’t want to play for them, but . . . I’m not really eligible. So, if my daily life could be improved by cheering for the Yankees once, then, I think I could do that. For the right price. And then, Mike got evil. He said, “What if Duke and Carolina were playing in the national championship game and someone offered you a billion dollars if Duke won. Would you cheer for Duke?”
I told him no.
He went kind of ballistic.
Seriously, though. It’s the national championship. For a lesser game, say, the ACC tournament, then, eh, probably. Give me the billion. That’s just a game, and a billion is a lot of money. I’d get over it in a year or so. But to see Carolina beat Duke in the national championship, that’s worth a billion dollars in my heart.
He did not understand. And accused me of not caring about providing for our family. In this hypothetical situation. Which would never happen, because I hope people have better things to do with a billion dollars than offer me money to pull for Duke. He thinks that if I saw the hypothetical billion dollars, I’d change my mind. But my hypothetical conscience is clear.
Now I have to figure out what to do with the information that my husband would sell his soul to Satan for a billion dollars. It’s a sad sad day in our house.
(Y’all. It’s the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. I cannot be expected to cheer against my team for a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. Not for any amount of money.)
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17 Comments
I’m with Mike. IT’S A BILLION FREAKIN DOLLARS!!!
IT’S NOT REAL MONEY!
Im with Kari.
“Now I have to figure out what to do with the information that my husband would sell his soul to Satan for a billion dollars.” I laughed a lot at that. I like your style, Kari. (Money, shmoney)
Kari is definitely right on this one.
Especially because it’s Duke.
Given the reverse alternative—that is, rooting for Carolina for a billion dollars—I don’t do it, either. There are some lines that should just never, ever be crossed.
I might pay a billion dollars to see Kari root like hell for Duke, though.
what if you just put on duke gear and outwardly cheered for duke in order to get the money, but inwardly cheered for carolina?
Put on Duke gear? Do you know who you are talking to?
It’s possible that it might actually BURN her skin.
I’m a doctor. I know.
I thought about this a lot… this is the equivalent of me rooting for U(sic)GA over Tech in the National Championship and …… well, a million dollars is a whole lot of money.
Can I just send my brother-in-law to do the rooting for me and collect the money?
kari – you are completely right about your soul being more valuable than a billion dollars…stay away from that dark blue and black…
more of a dilemma is that greg paulus’ brother (mike, a top HS QB who chose us over USC, TN and AL) just committed to carolina’s football team – which apparently means that we have to be polite to greg now…
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/preps/football/2006-04-28-paulus-unc_x.htm?csp=34
if i did choose for clemson to beat south carolina for the national title, can it be on a last second three pointer just so they can suffer?
I’m with Geof on this one.
See, I think that all the cheering in the world isn’t going to make your team play better or worse. Especially if you’re not even at the game for your little voice to be heard in the enormous crowd.
Since your cheers don’t matter in the least, I say take the money.
With that, I assume I’ve been shunned off this site. Too bad Mike doesn’t post as much as you do…
Oh, and I HAD to bring this up to Mike, who was … unconvinced.
roger, you’re simply mistaken.
cheering, clothing, food or beverage of choice, location and body position have all been known to influence the performance of our team.
(it’s kinda complicated…but the carolina fans understand…;) )
I think ALL sports fans understand.