Keep away from me, you pen-stealer!

The way I remember it, I was buying grad school supplies and grabbed a pack of Bic Atlantis pens for no reason at all. Just because they were there, or they were on sale. I honestly don’t put a lot of thought into pen-buying. Or, well, I didn’t used to put a lot of thought into pen buying. The Atlantis has changed all that.

(Now, if that’s wrong, Mike will correct me, I’m sure. But I think I did buy the Atlantis pens for myself.)

What’s so great about the Atlantis? The rubber grip is nice, and when you retract the pen, it doesn’t make a noise. So I could sit in class and click it back and forth (as is my wont) without annoying anyone. And the writing! So smooth! The Atlantis is truly my favorite pen.

The problem is that, somewhere along the line, Mike figured out the greatness of the Atlantis, and he was always trying to steal them from me. The Atlantis turned me into someone who cared so much about her pens that she would hide them from her husband. Just so you don’t think that I’m the epitome of evil, I want you to know that Mike bought Atlantis pens for himself when he started college, so now he tries to hide his from me.

It also turned me into the kind of person who was really hesitant to lend out pens in grad school. I mean, we were in grad school! People should have had their own pens! And not asked to borrow mine! Not my Atlantis pens, anyway! I should have started carrying crap pens to lend out, and keeping the sweet, sweet Atlantis pens for myself.

Yesterday I did a presentation for the library at a local church, but before it was my turn to go up, they passed around a signup sheet for a trip to Mt. Airy (aka Mayberry). As I passed the sheet on, the woman next to me turned and said, “Can I borrow your pen?” I didn’t want to lend it to her, but how could I possibly say no? Besides, she’s going to give it back to me . . . And then I watched in horror as my pen, my favorite pen, got passed along two tables. I watched carefully to make sure no one slipped it into their purse. I watched to make sure no one dropped it and then stepped on it. And then, finally, I watched it come to a final resting place at the front of the room. “How,” I thought, “can I get my pen without looking like I am the pen-stealer here?” I finally decided I didn’t care if I looked like a pen-stealer – I was getting my pen back. So when I went up to make my presentation, I grabbed the pen. And when I was done, I stuck it in my purse so that the lady next to me couldn’t wrench it from me again. I’d like to see her try!

As I watched my pen circulate around the room, I thought maybe I had a problem. But now, now that my pen is back in my possession, I am thinking much clearer. I know that the woman next to me was the one with the problem. She should have brought her own pen, and she never should have presumed to pass my pen around the room. She is the pen-stealer, not me. She’s the problem. I see her at the library from time to time, and now that I know what kind of woman she is, I’m going to keep my pens safely hidden in my purse. When she comes to the desk wanting to “borrow” something to write with, all I will have to offer her is one of those little golf pencils. We’ll see how she likes that!

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18 Comments

  1. mr blazer

    you have a problem. a serious problem. a real serious problem.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  2. scott

    i’m so glad someone can articulate my own pen feelings in words. thank you! in school, i was always a fan of the pilot precise pens, and i hated lending them out, cause people would just take them. i could not stand that, so i ended up taking crap pens from sign in tables and all where there’s always a box of pens. so when people would ask if they could borrow a pen, i’d give them the generic pen.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  3. mr blazer

    you have a serious problem, too. it is called thievery.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  4. Kari

    No, Scott is PREVENTING thievery.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  5. alisa

    Im so gonna ask to borrow a pen from you next time we hang out.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  6. [Here I am, thinking that the office supplies that drew your attention were index cards. ;)]

    Kari, I’m all about uni*ball Gel Impact RTs, for my own nefarious reasons. It’s okay. I also took Scott’s approach, mainly with pens from UAH’s SGA. 😉

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  7. Kari

    I am so going to keep a crap pen in my purse to give you, Alisa. mwuhahahahaha!

    I AM very fond of index cards, don’t get me wrong, but I love these pens.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  8. scott

    kari, next time we meet up, we can split the cost of a box of crap pens.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  9. A quiet click? Smooth writing action? Comfortable rubber grip?

    SIGN ME UP!!!

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  10. (Also, this should be a Funny Stuff entry.)

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  11. Yea, I want some of these pens…

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  12. i LIKE golf pencils though. i keep one in my car to write things down. obviously the library needs to invest in one of those pens on a chain!

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  13. No way, Scott! You’re just asking for it with those things! I heard about a ninja that forgot to take his medication one time…he was at a bank when started freaking out. He stabbed two people with the pen, and then took the little metal balls and flicked them with his fingers into people’s skulls. He killed 17 people with the chain balls alone.

    That story is very extremely true.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  14. Kari

    Scott, you can take as many of our golf pencils as you want. We have lots.

    Posted 2/8/2006 at | Permalink
  15. katie

    i think i might have to buy an atlantis.

    in honor of you, kari, it will be referred to as “the precious.”

    Posted 2/9/2006 at | Permalink
  16. I think I should buy one of each of these “special” pens, yours, Scotts, and Geofs. Then I’ll have a pen duel to see which one is the best.

    Posted 2/9/2006 at | Permalink
  17. You’re hillarious. And, I totally understand…I’m kind of a pen nazi myself. Once you’ve had a good pen, there’s no way you want to go back to the crappy ones that hurt your hand. I’m so bad that sometimes at the doctor’s office (you know they have all the good ones, and they get a ton from all the pharmecutical reps) I’ll ask if they are for people to have! heehee! I know they’re not, but they don’t need all those good pens! Ok, so maybe I do have a problem.

    Posted 2/9/2006 at | Permalink
  18. I’ve found several Atlantic pens left in the labs here at work. I keep them. I have fallen in love with them. You are absolutly correct about their greatness.

    And, I am deeply comforted knowing that I am not alone in my pen love. Am I the only one that receives great satisfaction browsing the pen aisle? I could spend… well, probably half an hour at least, doing it.

    Posted 2/9/2006 at | Permalink

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