We all have days where things just seem to go wrong. This morning I had a meeting, and I had to talk about some things that are really hard for me. Because of a Great Disappointment I had several years ago, I have some serious trust issues with God. When big things (like buying a house) come up, I assume the worst. Everything has worked out really well for us to buy a house so far, but I am expecting it to fall through at any moment. And I expect that to be for no reason whatsoever. Just because God is arbitrary, and he does things like that. These are hard things to admit to myself, let alone talk about.
Then we had to go sign some papers for our loan. I hate talking about money. My mind shuts down. I am good at math, but not things like mortgages. I get overwhelmed. So, in an already fragile emotional state, I got really frustrated while working out our mortgage. There were some questions I was asked that I wasn’t sure what the lady was looking for. I am seriously embarassed that money intimidates me so much. This is the year 2004! I am a modern woman! What is my problem?
After we left (and I cried a bit), I came to work. Where I received an email that let me know I messed up big time on something (not work-related). It wasn’t even 1:00, and I wanted to hide under my desk.
I take back what I said yesterday. It would have been great if it had snowed enough to keep us home today.
In related news, there are more house updates to come. Stay tuned.